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Hey, you guys! Chuck here!
As you know by now, I’m very high-energy! A huge part of why I’m so high-energy is because I have a really healthy diet, which is especially astonishing when you consider how far below the poverty line I’m living! Today I’m going to share a few of my unlikely secrets to eating healthy below the poverty line! I should warn you ahead of time, a lot of you are not going to like these secrets! Oh well, let’s dive into them anyways!
- Frozen vegetables! I’ve already lost a lot of you. And that’s okay. If you can afford to go the farmer’s market every weekend and spend a lot of money on a bunch of locally grown, super-organic veggies, that’s great! I love farmer’s markets, they’re full of high-energy, hardworking people who deserve your business. By all means, give them a lot of money. Plus, you just can’t beat the aroma and flavor of fresh, local produce! But, if you make as little money as I do or it’s winter and you’re in Michigan, I highly recommend frozen vegetables. Scientists doing science have found that often times frozen vegetables are more nutrient dense than their fresh counterparts. This might be because frozen vegetables are frozen at the peak of their freshness, but who cares, it’s a cheap and it’s healthy.
- Canned tomatoes! This is where things get really weird. Most canned vegetables are almost void of all of their original nutrients. But, not canned tomatoes. Scientists doing science have discovered that canned tomatoes are actually more healthy than their fresh counterparts. Something about how the cooking process involved in canning tomatoes increases the amount of lycopene. But, once again, who cares why? Canned tomatoes are cheap and the scientists have given us their blessing!
- Canned chicken! Sorry, food snobs! But, it turns out the protein in chicken still works the same when the chicken comes in a can. Plus, the canned chicken comes in a convenient little can that tells you exactly how many calories and how much protein is in the chicken you’re about to eat, so no need to get out the food scale!
- Cottage cheese! Cottage cheese!
- Avocados! Avocados used to be like a buck sixty nine a pop, and then an Aldi came into my town selling avocados for forty cents and now all of the neighboring grocery stores are forced to compete! Cheap avocados everywhere! Way to go free-market! You’ve done something right for once! Too bad health care still sucks!
- Eat all of this stuff everyday! I can not say enough about the benefits of eating the same thing everyday! It’s easier to control your calorie intake and it saves you the time and energy that goes into deciding what you’re going to eat (remember that decision making is one of the biggest drains on your willpower)! Everyday I get home from work, I toss a bag of frozen broccoli, a can of chicken, and a can of tomatoes into a pot on the stove and let it cook while I watch wrestling. When it’s done I eat it up with an avocado and a side of cottage cheese! Very healthy! Very high-energy! Very cheap! Oh wow!
So that’s it for now! If you have any questions or comments please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org! I especially want to hear from you if you have your own secrets for eating healthy below the poverty line! I love to learn!